Source: Early Access Backer
Price: £8.99
Where To Get It: Steam

Vlambeer are very good at shooters. This much was evident when they released Luftrausers, and we’ve been seeing this for some time now with the Early Access progress of Nuclear Throne. Now that the game’s released? I’m feeling kind of childish about skill gates.

There is a feather and muscle shaped hole in my heart, Vlambeer… But I won’t rest until it’s filled!

See, for most of the game’s long Early Access period, you could unlock most of the characters fairly quickly, which meant someone like me could get everything except the kitchen sink early on, and then enjoy testing characters, and Attachments Were Formed. If you guessed that both of my favourite characters require getting further in the game than I’ve gotten, you would be 100% correct. And I am annoyed.

But I’m perfectly willing to admit that it’s a childish annoyance. After all, once I get them, I’ll know I’ve earned them, because Nuclear Throne is not an easy game. It is a game requiring a fair amount of skill, and my skill with it… Is not so hot. Essentially, each character you can play, unlocked at the beginning or not, has special abilities, that, combined with the sometimes silly weapons you find in the weird wastelands, can either help or hinder you. For example, although Melting is fragile enough to die in one hit, he can make all the corpses he’s made on the screen explode. If you’re clever about this, you can set up quite a chain of death and explosions. Adding to this already amusing mix, you have skills and Crowns, the latter of which can only be found in certain areas, and the former gained by collecting Rads. Yes, you’re mutating to be strong enough for the Nuclear Throne… And the mutations are kind of random, picking from four each level.

The majesty of certain mutations can’t be captured in a screenshot. In less than 0.2 seconds, all the things shown except me are going to die, because I hit someone so hard their corpse killed everyone else.

Another reason I haven’t gotten amazingly far is because I’m overfond of melee weapons, preferring to build toward the idea of getting them… Which won’t always happen. And even when it does, it’s a risky proposition, as, while most melee weapons don’t use ammo, and most can also bat projectiles away, the most damaging melee weapons have long cooldown times that abilities can only go so far to fixing. Nonetheless, under the right situation, and with the right character (Steroids, unlocked by reaching Area 6 of the game), I could be dual wielding shovels that not only murder people left and right (And forward!), I swing them faster the harder I get hurt, and I don’t get much cooldown on them so long as the death keeps coming. Of course, both mutations and weapons are luck based, so the game is more about adapting to your situation than what I do, which is aim toward a build and pray it comes through.

Aesthetically, it’s pretty cool. The soundwork is pretty darn good, with explosions, the meaty sounds of bullets hitting flesh and shovels hollowly whunking through the air, hisses, and the dramatic music, courtesy of [insert]. Meanwhile, the pixel graphics are simple, easily read in most places in the game, and you can quickly identify your immediate threats, which is bloody useful, because this game does somewhat depend on memorisation. Take a grenade launcher into the sewers, for example, and you’re probably in trouble. There’s a hell of a variety in weapons, and later tiers can get really powerful, like the flame shotgun (Spread shot that sets enemies on fire), the Splinter Gun (Fires three mini crossbow bolts in a shotgun like spread), or the Plasma Gun (Not only kills pretty much anything it hits, it explodes, too!) Of course, the more powerful the weapon, the more ammo or time it’s going to take to use… So you have to be tactical.

It is often hard to see the real threat in crowded situations. I thought I’d killed the ninja. I was wrong.

If I had one big criticism, it’s that sometimes, the situations are hellishly difficult. A personal pet-hate of mine is the Room ‘O’ Scorpions, a spawn pattern that sometimes appears, where five or more scorpions (Who fire a wide spread of shots) are all in the same area, and running into that is either going to be a time consuming exercise of “Back the hell away before any of them see you, take pot shots until the room’s thinned out”, or “Don’t see them in time, die horribly to an unavoidable spread of deadly globs that fills the area.” There are many deaths I’ll own up to as Yet Another Stupid Death in Nuclear Throne. Room ‘O’ Scorpions? I don’t count. There are others, but I won’t bore you with them. For all that restarting with the same character is quick, some of the generated seeds are made of bullshit, and that annoys me. There are also a couple of post release bugs, such as level teleports not appearing where they’re meant to (The location of the last enemy killed), which has cost me in some runs (For reasons I’ll not spoil.)

Overall, though, if you like mouse and keyboard or twin-stick shooters, Nuclear Throne is definitely worth the price. Of course, a lot of you knew that already, but for those who didn’t? Nuclear Throne is fun. And you can adjust the screen shake to whatever you prefer.

The Mad Welshman grimaced as he looked down at his form. He needed to glow harder. His quest demanded it.

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Source: Review Copy
Price: £6.99
Where To Get It: Steam

Unbeknownst to many, there are four elements of projectile based murder: Rapid fire, Burst shot, Splosion makers, and Lasers. Circuit Breakers, an arcade score attack shooter, understands this. Even if it doesn’t understand some other things.

It starts pretty simple…

So, I’m going to ask you, the reader, how much you like 80s buttrock (You know, the kind of thing that wouldn’t be out of place in a Sonic game or an 80s teenage hijinks movie.) Because if you don’t subscribe to the church of BIG HAIR, the music is going to annoy the hell out of you. Fortunately for me, I ooze Glam, which is close enough to count. In any case, the game’s idea is pretty simple: Pick one of four characters, each specialising in one of the four elements of murder (Machine Gun, Shotgun, Missile Launcher, and Laser), murder everything in a room while not getting hit, move on to the next, rinse and repeat with the occasional Big Boss thrown in.

Of course, it’s not quite that simple, for two reasons. First, weapon upgrades are tied to an energy mechanic: Short, controlled bursts, or you’re going to be staying with the level 1 whatever-the-hell you picked. I’ve had the best luck with Samson (The rocket-man), but after room 4 or 5 it gets a little tough not to just go hog-wild. Conversely, the hardest time I had was with Tay, whose powerful shots still require you to line folks up before firing if you want her weapon upgraded to its fullest destructive potential.

…Then it starts ramping up.

The other thing is the base key bindings. Being a twin stick shooter, it’s perfectly sensible to have WASD and arrows as moving and shooting respectively, but… E is ‘accept menu choice’ , Q is back, and Enter is start and… Look, the bindings don’t make a whole lot of sense beyond the basics. They’re rebindable, and the game is just as enjoyable on keyboard as it is on gamepad, but it is a strange decision. Finally, there’s some minor readability issues with some rooms that mean you can’t clearly see the pits of “Can’t walk here” when things get hot and heavy (Most noticable in Score Attack)

Apart from that, it’s a workhorse of well worn design… Simple AI, relatively simple rules, simple unlocks, and nothing more complicated than score attack, with potentially memorisable enemy patterns, different approaches depending on your character chosen, and a fair variety of enemies and bosses. Of course, it’s a tough game, but considering how easy it is to get back in, I don’t really find it annoying, and I can quite clearly see how it’s my fault when I die. A good example of this is my playstyle with Tay.

…Then there’s tanks…

“Okay, wait for them to line up, I want those bonus Energium chunks so I can murder better, and… Hey, wait, those guys spawned behind me? Crap, change appr-OW. Okay, still got this, I still got this, there, loads of peopl-OW, how was that guy not? Oh, he was slightly below the laser, sod, I can stil-OW… Welp, new life time!”

It’s also multiplayer, and I can definitely see the entertainment value there. Alone, it’s challenging. With friends, it’s an orgy of destruction. It can be played locally or online, and supports multiple controller types for each player, so there’s less faffing around if you decide to play locally.

So, apart from the keyboard binding being a little odd, it seems like it does exactly what it sets out to do, and the difficulty means that yes, if you don’t get frustrated by not getting past Room X, it seems like the enjoyment is worth the £6 that’s being asked here. It’s very specifically aimed at fans of swarm shooters like Robotron or Smash TV, and probably won’t interest anyone who isn’t into topdown shooters for very long. It should also be mentioned that, at the time of writing, Circuit Breakers has a competition for a specially designed arcade cab with Circuit Breakers on it (and Steam), and it’s pretty simple to enter.

Obviously, being a member of the press, I haven’t. But you definitely can. 🙂

The Mad Welshman ran pell-mell through the house, seeking, searching, destroying. Why were these robots around? And where the hell had his coffee gone? He had the feeling the answers had to be related.

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Source: Review Copy
Price: £8.99
Where To Get It: Steam
Other Reviews: Release

20XX is a very important year. In that one year, a robotic hero fought many evil robots, many a time, and achieved many great things. Not as many as Astro Boy, though. 20XX is also a procedurally platformer inspired by the Mega Man series, which moved to its beta stage on the 15^th of this month. So… How the heck is it?

Don’t get close to Terror Spider. If the Gravwave doesn’t get you, the bomb-spiders will!

Not bad, actually! You might feel a little discouraged by the slightly amateurish looking heroine and hero robots (Nina [Megaman style], who is your default character, and Ace [Protoman style], the red dude), but everything about this game reminds a player pretty hard of a MegaMan game… Until they run across those all important differences. Make no mistake, this is a game with elements of roguelike design. But for those who never played a MegaMan game, let’s keep this simple.

You are a robot, fighting other (presumably evil) robots for (presumably good) reasons. The other robots, thankfully, are not very good at logistics, and have left all sorts of crates and goodies around that might help you, from bolts (Currency), to items (Boost your stats), to entirely new systems compatible with all robots (Weapons and special abilities). You run, dash, jump, wallhop, and shoot your way through levels, fighting a pattern based boss monster at the end of each, get a reward for each level you clear, and pick one of three other bosses from a number of choices to fight next (Each preferring a certain kind of stage). You die once, that’s it, start again from the beginning. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing, because collecting “Soul Bolts” during play unlocks more things to grab between runs. The beta even has “Casual” mode, which… Starts you with 3 items, as opposed to none. More helpful than nothing, considering the variety of items.

There is quite a variety of items… And it may take a while to get them all.

The game recommends a gamepad, and I’d mainly agree, if only because it otherwise means rejigging an odd (But workable) set of keybinds. The game tutorialises pretty well, so the main thing to deal with is how it feels to play.

Most of it actually feels alright, although it does seem as though levels are balanced more for Nina than Ace, and her alternate weapon modes seem better balanced overall. Most of the time, there are multiple paths to your exit, the enemies scale pretty well, and the weapons are interesting, even if they sometimes feel overpowered. The experience could be better in places, however. While there are some things you can avoid, others generate a little harder than they should for the level they’re on. A single disappearing block going in and out quickly between two deadly flowers? That’s mean. However, for the price being asked, it’s not a bad game, with a fair amount of replay value coming from the generation. There are only three “worlds” right now (A foundry, an ice stage, and an air/jungle stage), but there’s enough variation to keep you busy (For example, the foundry stage can have fire blasters, lava pits, and various different enemy types, not all of which will appear the first time round.) Aesthetically… I honestly preferred the earlier version of Frostor, aesthetic wise, but I can understand the decision to make it easier to read. As to the boss battles, in true MegaMan fashion, they’re pattern based, so once you understand the pattern, it’s a case of… Well, not getting caught in it.

The blue bloom is there for a reason. It’s to let you know this thing has a better chance of killing you than any of its similar kindred. Doesn’t mean I’m overly fond of it, however…

Importantly for a procedurally generated game, it doesn’t often feel unfair. It does every now and again, but since it’s currently in the beta stage of Early Access, I’m willing to say that’s subject to change. So if you like action platformers with some roguelike elements, this is worth at least a look.

The Mad Welshman swung his Energy Saber, ponytail flying in the wind. The robots of Good woul- Oh, wait, he was a villain in this wo- [BEW bew bew bew bew… ]

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Source: Cashmoneys
Price: 79p
Where To Get It: Steam

DISCLOSURE: This article is two reviews. The one I wrote before I’d even played the game, and the one I’d written after I’d played.

WARNING: The pixellated dad dongs have been censored for people who don’t like to see pixellated penis. Can’t help on the talking about their existence, though.

Before

Oh, Vidoegames, I miss them so. Still, videogames *are* the better format.

The experience of showering with one’s father, when a small child, is a memory that few children truly forget. The same goes for showering with your mother, regardless of gender. It isn’t always a bonding moment, but it can be, and, at that time, things are simpler. As you get older, it is no longer considered proper to shower with your parents (Generally), and so the experience is lost, gone forever. Until no- Ahahaa, I can’t actually finish that sentence.

But showering with your dad is a thing that may well have happened in your life. Or your mum. And losing your parents in a public area is definitely a traumatic experience, as is reaching for someone you thought was your parent, but wasn’t. It’s also a time where you (might) honestly laugh at what we know as “Dad Jokes”

SWYDS2015, as it’s going to be called now, doesn’t really evoke much of that. Except the Dad Jokes. That, it has in spades. Basically, it’s a rapid fire arcade game, with different games unlocked as you go, where you run around trying to shower with the right dad (Or grab the right dad, as another example), and each gets harder somehow as the game progresses. Get the right dad, get points and some flashing text. Get the wrong one, don’t get points, some different flashing text, and lose health (Obviously, you lose by doing the wrong thing enough times.) I could speculate on the hidden meanings of SWYDS2015. I could talk some more about the experience with, or cultural connotations of bathing with parents (Which I doubt my own would appreciate). I could bemoan how it’s only dads, or about how the pixellated penis is so prominent, or how parents and children having different skin tone isn’t represented. I could even speculate about whether reports of the POC parent sometimes disappearing is a bug or a sinister social commentary (A bug I’ve not encountered, but has apparently been reported, and most likely fixed.)

It’s dangerous to shower alone, take this!

I could. But I won’t, because of three things. 1) It is 79p. 2) It will take you a lot less than 2 hours to work out whether you like it or not, being simple to play. 3) Steam Refunds exist now. Would I recommend it to anyone? Fans of dad jokes and simple arcade games that you can while away a short break with, who aren’t offended by pixel-junk is my best guess. Is there anyone I can’t recommend it to? People who don’t like to think about showering with their father, or seeing pixellated tallywhackers, or simple arcade games.

That last paragraph, by the way, is in earnest. No, the joke is…

After

In The Bath was a good song by The Divine Comedy. This fact has little to do with what’s going on in this screenshot. Not much does.

The experience of showering with one’s father, when a small child, is a memory that few children truly forget. The same goes for showering with your mother, regardless of gender. It isn’t always a bonding moment, but it can be, and, at that time, things are simpler. As you get older, it is no longer considered proper to shower with your parents (Generally), and so the experience is lost, gone forever. Until no- Ahahaa, I can’t actually finish that sentence.

But showering with your dad is a thing that may well have happened in your life. Or your mum. And losing your parents in a public area is definitely a traumatic experience, as is reaching for someone you thought was your parent, but wasn’t. It’s also a time where you (might) honestly laugh at what we know as “Dad Jokes”

SWYDS2015, as it’s going to be called now, doesn’t really evoke much of that. Except the Dad Jokes. That, it has in spades. Basically, it’s a rapid fire arcade game, with different games unlocked as you go, where you run around trying to shower with the right dad (Or grab the right dad, as another example), and each gets harder somehow as the game progresses. Get the right dad, get points and some flashing text. Get the wrong one, don’t get points, some different flashing text, and lose health (Obviously, you lose by doing the wrong thing enough times.) I could speculate on the hidden meanings of SWYDS2015. I could talk some more about the experience with, or cultural connotations of bathing with parents (Which I doubt my own would appreciate). I could bemoan how it’s only dads, or about how the pixellated penis is so prominent, or how parents and children having different skin tone isn’t represented. I could even speculate about whether reports of the POC parent sometimes disappearing is a bug or a sinister social commentary (A bug I’ve not encountered, but has apparently been reported, and has most likely been fixed.)

I warned you about the Dad Jokes. This is only one of many.

I could. But I won’t, because of three things. 1) It is 79p. 2) It will take you a lot less than 2 hours to work out whether you like it or not, being simple to play. 3) Steam Refunds exist now. Would I recommend it to anyone? Fans of dad jokes and simple arcade games that you can while away a short break with, who aren’t offended by pixel-junk is my best guess. Is there anyone I can’t recommend it to? People who don’t like to think about showering with their father, or seeing pixellated tallywhackers, or simple arcade games.

That last paragraph, by the way, is in earnest. No, the joke is…

The Mad Welshman has Dad Joked many a time before. “I have some words for you -” “Hi, words, I’m dad!” … See?

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Source: Review Copy
Price: £18.99
Where To Get It: Steam

Sometimes, a game needs more polish. Sometimes, it needs a clearer direction. Sometimes, you get games like Vector Thrust. Vector Thrust is, I’m sorry to say, neither fish nor fowl. It has the simpler control scheme of the arcade flight games like Ace Combat, but mastering it requires memorisation of planes similar to a more tactical simulation. It also doesn’t have any tutorial that I could see. This, in a sense, is one of its two core problems: It doesn’t really appeal to either core audience.

The craft are, it must be said, undeniably pretty. The explosions are alright too.

Picture it, if you will. On the one hand, we have Arcade Pete. Arcade Pete loved games like Afterburner or G-Loc, but never landed his plane in F-119, and scratched his head at Janes Combat Simulator. He only has a passing familiarity with planes, just enough to recognise that maaaaybe attacking a B-52 Flying Fortress with close range weaponry is a bad idea. Pete will wonder why he isn’t able to control the skies, why planes will pass him for more important targets, and why he keeps losing this bloody escort mission. In the campaign, he’ll itch at the chatter beginning the missions every time he loses, and even in multiplayer, he will be outmaneuvered and outgunned. In frustration, he’ll turn to something different.

Then there’s Simulator Jane. Simulator Jane is used to a flight stick, using the majority of her keyboard at one point or another, and has played all the classics. She’ll know her planes, know how to deal with them, and furthermore, won’t be fooled by the relatively basic AI. She’ll dominate the campaign, dominate multiplayer, and… Won’t feel satisfied. There’s not really a whole lot to keep an eye on. G-Force is only a minimal consideration. The damage for each craft is a straight health bar. There’s no wing shake, and missiles seem to be somewhat arbitrary compared to what she’s used to. Shrugging, she’ll go straight back to something worth her time.

A better example of what I mean, although this is perhaps not the best craft for the mission I’m on.

Both will admit the planes are pretty with the cel-shading being a nice stylistic touch. Both may or may not get annoyed at voice actors who occasionally slip out of accent (Assuming they don’t skip the static cutscenes and mission briefings.) Both will find the “variety of planes” to be… passable, as many are variants on the same families of craft (starting with the MIG, Joint Strike Fighter, X-35, , expanding to 45 families of craft for 260 craft overall), and generally, the later variants will be the more useful in each family. While both will most likely agree that separating the campaign and multiplayer unlocks to be a fair design choice, they’ll find the campaign somewhat dull, and the maps to be fairly ugly and featureless. Both will agree that not including some form of easily accessible information on enemy craft and the lack of any sort of tutorial a mistake. They might find some fun in the challenges though, which include bombing runs, balloon shoots, and acts of aerial acrobatics. But both will also agree that target switching is painful.

In short, this game asks £19 for… Not being friendly to new players, not currently fulfilling the hopes of either sim fans or arcade flight players, and being inconsistent in quality to boot. It’s a game that’s come out of Early Access too early, and it really needs to work out the kinks before I can solidly say if it’s any good or not. Alas, a reviewer’s job is not to say when a game is done, but what the state is at the present time, and, although it’s definitely better than release… It currently feels, as I’ve said, like it’s neither fish nor fowl. And that makes me sad, because it definitely has potential.

Attacking a B-52 from behind is not necessarily the best of ideas. In fact, it’s more toward the “worst” end. This is about five seconds before the tail cannons rip me to shreds.

The Mad Welshman growled as the missile sped past. He wasn’t as well aligned as the gods demanded. He threw another goat on the sacrificial pyre, and tried again. BETTER.

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