Source: Review Copy
Price: £32.99 (or £39.99 for the Master Collection), Gaiden Sigma 1, 2, 3 included. Controller necessary.
Where To Get It: Steam

Ah, Ryu Hayabusa. You’ve gone through a few changes over the years. But it’s mostly been an upward trend. And Sigma is… Alright. Solid character fighter, with some good enemy designs. Although that assessment isn’t without its qualifications.

In any case, Ninja Gaiden Sigma is an action game in which the aforementioned Ryu Hayabusa must recover the Demon Sword that was in his clan’s care (It’s been taken and used for evil before, after all), and to take vengeance for the murder of clan members, slashing and polesmacking and generally murdering a bunch of enemies, from other ninja clans to an authoritarian military to demons, and finally, the Big Bad. Fun stuff. And definitely controller mandatory.

Or rather, it would be fun stuff if the camera weren’t my deepest enemy, and if Triple Buffering is turned off, because otherwise the game’s framerate drastically drops.

I freely admit, I didn’t get very far in playing it, because of these very frustrations. Jumping is… Finicky, the camera can sometimes just look straight down and obscure my view of anything, as sometimes happens in character action games in confined spaces do (and there are quite a few confined spaces. Usually with enemies in them.) If there’s enemy lockon, I couldn’t find it, and so, awesome moves like the swallow blade (jump, press Y to muller somebody’s head off in a diving arc) are also finicky.

It’s actually kinda pretty, too, for something that was originally a PS3 title. Not mind blowing, but you can definitely say, at points, “Damn, this scenery, huh?” or “Hrm, that sure is a tank, wonder if it- YES, IT’S MANNED, KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT WITH FIRE.” A combo of hard buttrock and traditional Japanese music makes the soundtrack, and the sound effects… Well, those feel a little older than they maybe should, but hey, not everything has to be awesome.

Still, from what I’m aware, it has some frankly baffling level design decisions at some points. Okay, yes, you, uhh… Don’t have much of a move set underwater, Ryu. So why did they put you through a swimming level, mmm? Or the labyrinthines sewer level, just a bit earlier.

Look… Look… People. Hate. Sewer Levels. They’ve hated them since Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for the NES. Also, the subtitles I saw were missing about half the time, which is a problem (both accessibility wise and generally), and the easy difficulty mode is only unlocked by dying a whole bunch… So, definitely a mixed bag, even today.

To be honest, Ninja Gaiden Sigma’s gameplay, janky as it is at times, is a peanut butter situation. If you’re not a longtime “Make combo and guard to kill enemy, use different weapon which do different thing for different folks” type player, this definitely isn’t an intro level game, and it likely won’t appeal that much.

The Mad Welshman is, on the one hand, not a fan of peanut butter. They are a fan of character action games, even if they are not the best at them.

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Source: Review Copy
Price: £14.99
Where to Get It: Steam

I am bad at Alex Kidd. I’m not even going to pretend I’m not, because Alex Kidd is from the days of yore, and I’ve gotten used to not dying in one hit, silly billy that I am.

But not being good doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t appreciate things. Like the gorgeous aesthetic of the remake, while also allowing you to play it mostly as it originally looked with the push of a button. Gotta love a remake that not only makes things look nicer, but also keep to the vibe. That’s harder than it seems.

Still, yes, Alex Kidd. What a series that was, each installment different enough that it kept it fresh, but this, being one of the earliest ones, is also both the oldest and most unforgiving. Alex is somewhat floaty to control, having some inertia, and while he has a lot of air control, this isn’t always to his benefit (as noted by the times I’ve jumped into a bird. The many many times.) His punch, meanwhile, is purely horizontal, although power ups can change things up, like fireballs.

Oh, and some of the bosses play Rock, Paper, Scissors, with an instant death if you don’t win best of three. Yes, old platformers were odd like that. So yes, if you don’t like Ye Olden Game Design, the way Alex controls and the one hit kills in (admittedly well checkpointed) levels not appeal to you. There’s ways to mitigate the rock, paper, scissors bosses, including memorisation, and if you just want to play the damn game, there’s an infinite lives system.

Honestly, even though I’m not good at Alex Kidd, not by a long shot, I still enjoy it. Yes, I had to turn on infinite lives. Sue me, I’m no longer the kid who beat Codename Droid in one try, or regularly enjoyed the obscure game Onslaught. It’s relatively short, but naturally, as in many of Ye Olden Games, part of this is difficulty padding that’s been preserved, but there are new levels, there’s enough quality of life to make this a good remake, and, well, if you like hard platformers, this one’s pretty good for you.

The Mad Welshman well remembers the time of Nintendo Hard. Nobody seems to talk about Infocom Hard though, it’s just as catchy!

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Source: Review Copy
Price: £12.39
Where to Get It: Steam

I’ll freely admit, hearing a combo of “Super Meat Boy” and “Celeste” didn’t exactly inspire confidence. For all that they share some things in common, they’re different enough that a mismash of the two would be painful.

But it was, for the most part, correct. Death is common. There is an optimal path through. Anything less than “pretty optimal” to “Optimal as fuck” means death. And, after about 19 levels, I very quickly realised this wasn’t for me.

Not because it isn’t good. It’s pretty responsive, you know exactly what tools you have in this twitchy puzzle platformer: A double jump and a dash. Maybe you get more tools later, maybe not. And you very quickly learn what things do, the game mostly teaching you ahead of time, such as falling blocks. Oh boy, there’s a lot of falling blocks. And the sprite art is great, and the chiptunes okay, the menu accessible, and options to turn off flashes, screenshake, and gltiching effects. I mean, they should be off by default, but now you know the option’s there.

No, it’s because I’m not great at this game. There’s a lot of levels in the first chapter, and, as mentioned, I got to 19 (pictured) before the momentum completely halted. Because it’s pretty difficult in terms of jumps and dashes almost from the get go. Now, what isn’t pictured is the spring platform that fell down. I know, theoretically, what I have to do: Jump off the ledge, dash to the block, then jump the fuck out before it crushes me under the spikes it crushes, high jump on the spring, dash back, double jump.

I just can’t do it, because the timing’s pretty damn tight. The timing’s been pretty tight since about five levels before this.Not super tight, but tight enough that I bit 28 of those 36 deaths in the levels prior.

So yes, I like the aesthetic. I like the characters, especially the very dadly professordad. I like that it’s clear and simple, and I like its accessibility.

It’s just that it’s clearly laser focused on folks who say “Omigod, that game was hard as balls, but I finished it, got all the data cubes for the hard modes, and beat those, and I feel so good!”

And I am not one of those folks.

The Mad Welshman SETS deathtraps, he doesn’t try to escape them!

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Source: Cashmoneys
Price: £11.39
Where To Get It: Steam

Try this one WEIRD game! Completionists will HATE it!

I mean, that’s a really good capsule summary. It’s weird (unsurprising, considering it’s a meme ridden ex-Newgrounds series, a notable time for experimentation in Flash games, not always to the better, but enjoyably so, in this case), and yes, as a completionist, I can say that 100 percenting this game is a bastard.

Okay, let’s get into it. Henry Stickmin (not to be confused with Henry Stickman) is a not-great human, er… Stickman. And with him, you go on a choose your own adventure style game (but with some quick time events) where failing still provides entertainment. There are six episodes, one of which requires you to have completed all the endings of the previous two to complete (part one of “Completionists will hate this.”) Choose your method of getting past the obstacle, watch what happens, likely retry, rinse, repeat. As noted, there are quick time events (some of which are brutal, so folks not okay with twitchy games, note well), and… Collectibles.

Oh boy, the collectibles. So, normally, I would be fine with collectathons. Love ’em. But Henry Stickmin wants to make it as hard for you as possible. There are people you have to click within about half a second, or multiple people you have to click within a few seconds, as many as 15. Some of whom are small. The same with the paintings in Stealing the Diamond. Oh, and the Among Us collectibles. And that one achievement where you have to click Gary Mann 5 times, or click where Henry’s going to land correctly in three different scenes…

Yup. I hate the completionist aspect of this one. I’m also less than fond of it using infamous meme “Shoop Da Whoop” (A blackface meme), even considering that it was popular back in the day. Gollywog dolls were too, and I sure as hell wouldn’t defend them. But overall, it picks some solid ones, fun references to Avatar, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Predator, Looney Tunes, Zelda, Pokemon, Phoenix Wright… I could go on for a fair while, but its silly humour lands more often than it misses. Or maybe I’m just an old.

Aesthetically, well, it’s very clear. Choices are nice and big, the text is clear… The music is a bit of a mixed bag, but overall, it works.

Now, when it comes to the audience? I’ll freely admit, the appeal is somewhat niche. Masochistic completionists, I guess, old folks like me who get the memes, Newgrounds Nostalgics… Seriously, I don’t really know. All I know is I found it a generally alright experience, except for the completionist stuff, which I hated.

No, The Mad Welshman has not 100%ed this game. Don’t bug him about it.

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Source: Cashmoneys
Price: £15.49 (Soundtrack £3.99)
Where to Get It: Steam

See, sometimes, you see an idea, you think “Hey, this is cool!” and then… Oh. Hrm. Ah. Not quite as cool in execution.

So it is with The Sealed Ampoule. It’s a very minimalist procgen dungeon crawler. So minimalist, in fact, that it doesn’t gel well with its length. The procedure is very simple. Go into dungeon. Hit things until you feel you aren’t going to survive the next level, go back to room. Use stuff you got in the dungeon to get skills, level up the dungeon’s drop rate and magic circle rate for each level. When you get the ability and have the resources, turn dungeon levels into farms, just dropping the drops. Find story every now and again, or resources to turn more dungeon levels into farms. Rinse, repeat.

I will say this for this set of mechanics, it does cut down on the bumf you’re overlevelled for. I mean, I’m still somewhat overlevelled at any given point beyond the early game, although I suspect that changes the further in you go, but yes, turning the earliest levels into, eventually, a single level you just run through and collect resources from? This is a piece of legitimately good design.

But the rest? Well, as I mention, it’s basically a rinse and repeat. Skills drop once every five levels or so, although those, like the progress toward dungeon farms, require specific materials, dying loses you some resources, and… Well, it boils down to a blur of grind, occasionally interspersed with “Oh, new enem- FUCK, RUN!”, story, or a boss.

The story, similarly, is simple, although it has its compelling mysteries. You play as Irene, who has been depressed since her mother died, but found an advert for a cheap dungeon, and decided to turn it into an alchemy farm, so as to open a shop, make lots of money… And then she finds out that it’s more populated than it first appears, including two small and mysterious children, and… A man who has been bludgeoned to death by nothing less than The Philosopher’s Stone. It’s just that said story progresses in short cutscenes that are… Well, an increasing number of dungeon levels from where you were, even accounting for farms.

And finally, there are the aesthetics. Again, it’s minimalist. A few music tracks, that mostly fit the mood, but still feel off, and a few sound effects, generally around two per enemy, sometimes shared between groups. A low poly look that normally, I’d be down for, but feels like a waste of enemy design, and hits the uncanny valley in the case of Irene, whose mouth never seems to work right, and whose movement is… Well, speaking frankly, Irene’s animations are godawful. All five or so.

Otherwise, the accessibility is just fine. The menus are clear, albeit with calligraphic and serif text, you have a helpful toolbar about the status effects you know, and, with the exception of floating numbers for regeneration, nothing’s too small to distinguish. Starts in windowed mode, keys are simple, but options to change things are sparse, and there doesn’t appear to be any gamepad support.

It’s honestly disappointing, because you can see hints of what the developers were going for, but a lot of it just falls flat. If you want a time waster, then yes, this is alright, but otherwise, I can’t really recommend it.

The Mad Welshman loves games of alchemy. He just finds so few of them FUN.

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